Yesterday I received my official baby-making calendar. Looks like we are doing this crazy thing again. And we are doing it soon.
By soon, I mean I begin shooting up drugs on Tuesday. This Tuesday. As in two days after the Olympics are over Tuesday. Only three days away Tuesday.
I haven't missed those little pricks. Speaking of little pricks, my toddler has been subconsciously trying to talk me out of doing this again by being such a ... toddler. But that's a whole other blog.
This round isn't going to be easy. None of them ever are. However, both previous times I had my husband off work and by my side to help. The first time it was bringing me water, pineapple cores and whatever latest thing I found on Google that was suddenly a "must have" for success.
This last round it was changing poopy diapers and lifting our 40+ pound toddler. This time, my husband will be in school full time at night plus working and student teaching during the days. I honestly have no idea how we are going to pull this off, but I know we will. Thanks to the clinical trial, this round is definitely coming to us at a bargain compared to our last cycle.
Whereas last month’s cycle cost us a new Honda Odyssey, or 30 orchestra seats to Hamilton. this new cycle is much less daunting. I could only get 8 to10 of us in to see Hamilton, or we could cruise around in a used 2008 Ford Focus. Fun, right? But nooooooooo, I want another baby. A frivolous purchase? Perhaps. The best purchase of our lives (aside from buying our Lloyd cycle)? Absolutely possible. We won't know for sure until September 28th, but who's counting?
I have to believe this time we will succeed. I have to believe it will work. I need to go in to this ready to give it my all and trusting in this process. Dr Boostenfar is a brilliant man, and although it's tempting to get sucked into the online support groups and IVF boards where women talk about "the risks of your doctor overcooking your eggs" and compare notes and numbers and cycles, I have to remember that I believe in science and I believe in Dr. B. I also feel strongly that my son is too wonderful to live a life of solitude, with no one but his old crazy parents to play with. Lloyd has the perfect mix of unbridled love, never-ending energy and knack for mischief that I believe makes him the perfect candidate for the "best older brother ever" status.
One thing I'm not a big believer in is asking for free handouts. However, the outpouring of love and support we've experienced has been overwhelming. We've had people drop off wine, fresh flowers, and food. We've had strangers reach out with kindness and well wishes. We've even had a few people offer to donate their eggs. We are so blessed to have this kind of support. So, after a lot of discussion with my husband - we decided to set up a GoFundMe page. Just think - now you too can take credit for knocking me up! This is by no means something anyone should feel obligated to do. We are moving forward with this round regardless. Even if we have to open up a new credit card and max it out, we are doing it. Silver lining is maybe we can get one with rewards and take a baby moon with all the free miles. Either way, here is the link if you are so inclined:
We wouldn't be doing this again if we didn't think it was possible.
In fact, I've learned a lot is possible. Even abstaining from wine for a month in hopes it will help you get knocked up so you can abstain for another 9 months. How do I know? Because I've gone without wine FOR A MONTH.
And dairy. For a month.
I'm down 13 pounds, with 37 more to go. Not gonna make it there by Tuesday. But I am going to stick to Whole 30 through out this process. Bring on the nuts! Get your mind out of the gutter. I mean nuts, protein and veggies. I have broken down twice and ate, what I call, Whole 37. Which is a diet that consists of whatever the hell my 37-year-old chubby ass WANTS. But that was only while on vacation in wine country. And yes I did drink ALL the wine that glorious weekend. I miss you Whole 37. I've been back on the horse, or the protein, or "Whole 30" for a month now. I'm sure there will be plenty of times in the coming weeks where I will want to eat all my feelings. You know that phrase, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"? Well, I'm putting my twist on it with "Nothing tastes as good as a baby.”
Okay, granted, that slogan needs work. But you get the drift.
It's worth it. Every time I hear Lloyd say "Mama," or when he leans in and gives me a huge kiss unprompted, even those times when he slips me the tongue. They are worth more to me than money will ever be. I may be poor and hungry, but I'm rich in love and about to double down. Third time is a charm, right?