It's been a week of injections, a month of no sugar or gluten, and two hours since the last tantrum. I decline to state whether it was my son or myself who melted down. But it's not important. I've stopped counting. Why? Because there will be plenty more injections, loads more tantrums and life will go on.
I haven't been blogging as much this round. Mostly because this time it feels more laid back. I just did this, I know the routine. I feel comfortable (so far) with the injections. I'm meditating daily and not getting quite as worked up. There is also a chance my 2-year-old has stolen all of my emotions - because he definitely has ALL the feelings. All day. Every day. It will also be interesting to see if he ends up being unfazed by needles.
He watches me each night, captivated, as I go through the routine. I sterilize my stomach, then the vial. I open a new syringe and pull back to the 10cc mark, stick the needle in the top of the vial and release the air before I draw out my dose. I check for bubbles, flick the syringe a few times, and then for the big finale, I inject myself. When I pull the needle out, he enthusiastically shouts "all done with medicine Mommy!" and kisses my belly.
I went in for my first official "I'm doing IVF" appointment today. It took two nurses and four tries to draw my blood, per usual. During the fiasco, my favorite nurse was telling me how she and her wife were also doing IVF this fall. She went on to tell me about a book her wife is reading called “Breeding in Captivity.” I haven't read it, but based on the title alone, I'm in. We laughed in between pricks when she told me the ultrasound stick is referred to a Dildo Cam in the book. NAILED IT! I shall henceforth be borrowing that phrase.
Dr. B joined us in an exam room. Took a quick look with the dildo cam and we were cleared for take off. No cysts and all looked good. I was led to a private conference room where I signed the official documents to be a part of the study. I am patient #001. I'm Number ONE, guys! I found that thrilling.
I was even more thrilled when I was passed on to Financial and they told me the total for the entire cycle..... $5,500. That is for the whole kit and kaboodle, sans drugs. I mean, sure it's still expensive and money we technically don't have. But after $30k for the last round, this feels like a gift. You can't even get a good nose job for $5,500, and there is a chance I'm going to get a baby! They even managed to help get me about half of the meds I need at no cost.
This round has already been such a blessing, with everyone chipping in to the GoFundMe page, and my nurse and doctor doing everything in their power to help make this happen. The pharmacist spent 20 minutes digging up coupons and gave me discounts (totally unprompted).
I even experienced a random act of kindness at lunch, when the guy in front of me bought my meal at Jersey Mike's. Either I look homeless and really need to shower more, or the universe is looking out for me and this is my month, people. I'm hoping it's the latter.
After calling Chase and warning them that a drug addict from Encino didn't steal my card so they wouldn’t flag my purchase this time, I headed over to the pharmacy and got the $1,845 in drugs I needed to finish out the collection and headed home, feeling ready.
So here we go. My fridge is stocked with dark leafy greens and Follistim. My bathroom is full of Menopur and syringes. My heart is overflowing with love and gratitude. My toddler is full of piss and vinegar. And at my appointment on the 7th, we'll see how many follicles are growing up in here.
Until then, I wish you all a wonderful week. And someone please drink some wine for me.