There was a time, years ago, in my theatre career where I may have been considered a "triple threat." A Triple Threat is someone who can act, sing and dance. And I would only ever be considered one if you list them in that order. Let's just say my tap dancing skills are rusty and I cannot now nor have I ever been able to do a body roll.
My apologies to your eyes and my fellow Glamazons, who could ALL do pretty awesome body rolls. Be thankful this isn't a gif. Trust me, my body rolls were bad, but the duck face made up for it, right?
At 37 years old, I find myself facing a new kind of triple threat … three children.
Today was our ultrasound. I was nauseous all morning. All week, actually. Not sure if it's because of the babies or because of the nerves about the babies. Regardless, I've just wanted to curl up in a ball, pull the covers up over my head and sleep. Instead, I had a toddler to keep up with and I was thankful for the distraction. Today was my first reprieve. My husband finally home from school and a babysitter hired to watch my son as we drove to Encino to check in on the newbies. That is what we consider a hot date these days. Just me, the hubby, the fertility doctor, dildo cam and a nurse or two.
Sexy, I know.
The car ride down was pretty quiet. I tried to play the "what if" game, but Dan wouldn't bite. We were both nervous. We've received bad news at ultrasounds in the past, and now it hurts to get too excited. I promised myself I wouldn't get too invested yet.
But I already found myself telling a fellow mom at the park or a grocer at the checkout stand, "Oh, I'm pregnant with twins." It's somehow easier to tell a stranger because you never have to face them again if it doesn't work. My husband and I reviewed what to expect this visit. "A heartbeat. Maybe two. But maybe none," Dan said.
I silently started to cry as we pulled in to the office. What if there were none?
Finally at the office and ready for inspection, my doctor entered the room. The nurse followed and quickly the exam began. We immediately saw a large sac with a strong heartbeat. Baby was measuring 6 weeks 4 days. I am currently 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant, so things were looking good.
On to the next sac and we had yet another heartbeat. Two sacs. Two babies. Two heartbeats. This one was even measuring a bit bigger. Both looked great.
I was over the moon. They say that your chances of a miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat are extremely low. Something like 5-10%. But we've seen a heartbeat before and lost that baby, so I have trust issues.
As I walked out of the office, the nurses I've come to know and love over the years quietly came over to congratulate me. It's not something you want to celebrate too loudly in a fertility clinic. There are women there still waiting for their chance at a heartbeat and I remember all too well how much that can sting.
Still, it was special. And weird. Weird to say it out loud.
Weird to be congratulated. It almost felt ... real.
We rushed home and picked up our son. I suddenly want to spend every waking moment with him until these babies arrive. I want him to enjoy every last second as an only child. We decided to go out to dinner to celebrate.
My toddler was loud. Happy-go-lucky adorable loud, but loud none the less. My husband and I took turns eating while the other walked Lloyd around out front of the restaurant. And sitting alone at that table filled with food, feeling nauseous and only able to eat a bread stick, it hit me.
Soon, this type of outing will be impossible. We will be facing a triple threat. THREE children. We will be outmanned, outnumbered, outplanned.
Maybe we will have to skip eating out for awhile. It's very possible our next big family adventure will be going out to buy a minivan. Is it glamorous? No. But even on those days that we struggle, we will know that we are lucky. That these tiny humans are our little miracles. We gave up everything to get them here. And while the road won't be easy, it certainly will be an adventure.
So with my heart racing, and two extra hearts beating along with me, I'd like to officially announce that I am pregnant with twins. And thus our story goes on...