5:40 a.m. and I'm awake.
After a long week of nausea and exhaustion, my body woke me early.
Why? Apparently, I was hungry. Ravenous, actually.
Still tired, I tried to fight the urge and fall back to sleep. I imagine I'll be up this early again on Christmas morning with a toddler tugging on my leg, eager to see what Santa has brought him. I'm trying to bank all the sleep I can get. I refuse to wake up this early of my own accord.
I gave in just before 6 and got up to make myself some tea and a bagel. I'm guessing the Babies were tired of living off saltines.
Everyone else is still sleeping and the house is unusually quiet. I'm sitting on the couch with my son and husband asleep in the other room, my new minivan parked outside and two berry-sized babies fluttering inside me. (This week they are the size of raspberries). And I'm pretty sure this may be the last time I'll ever have this kind of quiet.
Yesterday we had another ultrasound. We saw both babies. Heard their hearts pounding. Saw their tiny arms flailing. It's starting to sink in. We are going to have three kids.
Now, in this moment, I cannot imagine loving another child the way I love Lloyd. Of course, I WILL. In fact, I will love two more children that much. This year my heart will grow by 3. It will be three times more chaotic in my tiny house. And my husband and I will have to switch to zone defense. It's overwhelming to think about.
But think of the joy. There will be three times the excitement on Christmas morning. And Lloyd will now have other young people to play and laugh with and begrudgingly share with.
You may have noticed a few paragraphs up that I glossed over the fact that we got a new car. Ladies, lock up your husbands because I am officially pregnant with twins and driving a minivan!
I'm calling this new look "Santa Clarita Sexy".
It seemed early to make such a large purchase but my lease was up and the incentives were almost as strong as the morning sickness.
The road ahead is still going to be a long one. At almost nine weeks pregnant, our next big hurdle is the blood test on January 2 to determine if the babies are healthy. For now, I'm going to load my minivan up with Lloyd, two dogs, Dan, and way too many Christmas presents and go see my family for the holidays.
Sometimes we just have to savor the moment. It's a Christmas miracle that we've come this far. And I for one am ready to relax and celebrate. Someone pass the eggnog! Don't worry, like mother Mary, my beverage will also be a virgin.