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Piss and Vinegar

As I was growing up, I remember being told that I was "full of piss and vinegar." I pride myself on knowing there are some things in this world at which I excel. Peeing in a cup, however, is not one of them. I always end up peeing everywhere BUT in the cup. It's embarrassing. Adding insult to injury, being pregnant with twins with a potty-training toddler in tow has me covered in piss. And thanks to my all-natural cleaning methods, vinegar.

Perhaps I should learn not take things so literally.

I'm still sick. This week it's a double ear infection, paired with a never-ending cough. Yesterday, I coughed so hard, I peed myself a little. Being pregnant is such a special thing that I dare not complain, because another thing I'm terrible at is procreation.

We fought like hell to get these babies. We spent our entire savings, worked with the best doctors, embryologists and scientists, all so I could have the opportunity to cough and pee myself at the same time. You damn well better believe I'm grateful. Even with the round ligament pain and lightning crotch. Google it. I dare you.

Still, there is nothing so beautiful as creating life. And I'm making two humans. So ... Bring. It. On.

I mean, I MADE this.

I got to see my babies this morning. It's always a relief seeing their moving limbs and hearing their heartbeats, especially after a long break. It's been three grueling weeks since I last saw those tiny people. And they are indeed finally beginning to look like actual people.

I can officially identify an arm or the head – a big improvement from the first trimester where they point out blobs on the screen and I just pretend to see what the doctor points out.

"Here's his leg!” they say, pointing at the screen. Yeah, sure it is buddy. I got a degree in theatre. I'll take your word for it.

But now, now I can see them. And they are beautiful. They were dancing up a storm this morning. And thanks to my bump app, I know that they are doing really inappropriate things inside me, like peeing and having erections. Ugh. Boys.

Or is it boy? We still don't know. And I'm dying to find out. But alas, not everything happens on my timeline. If it did, I would have had these kids five years ago; we would be enjoying an early retirement, all 3 kids would be potty-trained, doing their own laundry and math homework and I'd be back at my goal weight.

Sorry, I think my timeline snowballed in to a daydream. But you get the idea. Now off to pee. This time I'm going to try and get to the toilet before I cough and ruin another good pair of granny panties.

It’s good to have a goal, right?


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