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Stay With Me

After a busy toddler morning of hockey and hide and seek, followed by story and song time at the library, I was beat. I decided today was a good day for a “family nap.” It was Monday, after all. And let's be honest, who couldn't use a nap?

The two dogs, the kiddo and I all piled on to our queen bed and dozed off. I was awakened two hours later with sweet kisses and a vigorous shake of my shoulder, accompanied by my toddler shouting, “are you awake mommy?”

Well, I am now kid. Thanks.

I must have been more exhausted than I realized. I rarely nap with him and especially for that long. I noticed some cramping and a warm wet sensation between my thighs. My first thought?

Did I just pee myself?

That would be humiliating. I have a two-year-old who now wakes up in the middle of the night to pee, and at 37, I'm wetting the bed?

I stood up to assess the situation. And that's when I felt the gush. Like a warm water balloon was released inside me. I froze, not sure what was happening. That's when I heard my son’s voice behind me.

“Is that mommy's blood?”

I turned around to see the white sheets stained bright red. At this point, I was leaving a trail of blood from the bedroom to the bathroom, my jeans soaked through. I started to panic.

Of course, the rational side of me thought, OK this is the placenta previa. We've talked about this. We knew this could happen. It's not a big deal. And I was holding it together pretty well. I called my OB and when the nurse answered, that's when I lost it.

I started bawling.

Uncontrollably.

I thought wetting the bed at 37 was an embarrassing notion. But I think not being able to get your name out over the hyperventilating is worse.

After five minutes of this poor nurse trying to confirm my name and birthdate, she said “can you be here in 10 minutes?”

I live 15 minutes away and I'm covered in blood, trying to convince my toddler I'm not dying.

“Sure,” I said.

It took me another five minutes to find a maxi pad. The bleeding had slowed, but not enough to go without.

Finding a maxi pad when you are 18 weeks pregnant is a challenge. Why? Because when you get pregnant you think “Yes!!! I don't need this crap for at least 10 months!” It took some digging, but I found one and off we went to the doctor's office.

I've never taken my son with me to an ultrasound. Although I've promised him I would someday, this isn't how I envisioned our “someday.” My husband was at school and had already begun the 45-minute drive home to meet me, but wouldn't make it in time.

On the drive there I tried to collect myself while fielding questions from my toddler.

“Why is mommy sad?”

“Why mommy bleed?”

“I gonna see two babies?”

The last question really got me. Because honestly... I didn't know. Were we gonna see both babies? I knew they were both still in there, I hadn't passed any large clots, but were they okay? With my son watching, I was going to have to give performance of my life in that room if things weren't okay. Where is Meryl Streep when you need her?

My doctor came in. He was immediately sweet with Lloyd. Lloyd told him he was excited to see “TWO BABIES.” We discussed the bleeding. Dr. N said the main concern is that the bleeding stops because the bleeding causes cramping which in turn can cause miscarriage. At which point I stopped verbally responding and instead just began nodding my head yes to prevent the uncontrollable crying.

Meryl, where are you?????

He also went on to say that what we don't want is a blood clot because that can separate the placenta from the uterus also resulting in a miscarriage. Then we checked on babies. They were fine. Baby boy was dancing up a storm, and baby girl, the cause of my placenta previa and the bleeding was, I shit you not, staring straight at us and waving with her right arm. Lloyd waved back.

I was starting to feel at ease when Dr. N found it. I already have a blood clot (2cm, so not huge) right by baby girl's placenta. This is what we didn't want.

He put me on bed rest and told me not to be alarmed if I passed a golf ball-sized clot. What we don't want it to do is travel up and detach the placenta. Hopefully it will work its way out. I’m to stay off my feet and drink lots of fluids, since I did lose quite a bit of blood. Follow up is scheduled for Thursday, where things will either be better or they won't. Until then, we wait. For now, both babies look fine. Here's hoping these crazy cramps subside along with the bleeding.

At 18 weeks pregnant, I am almost halfway there. We have two tiny cribs set up in our bedroom. We have names picked out and a big brother waiting to hold them. We've come too far to turn back now.

I'm glad to know my baby girl has a flair for the dramatic just like her Mama, but this is about all I can take. So, listen here kids, you stay in your womb till mommy tells you. You are grounded until further notice! Don't you dare challenge me on this or I will go all Meryl Streep as the Witch in Into the Woods on your ass and I WILL lock you in a tower if I have to.

Stay with me.

Stay at home. I am home.

Who out there could love you more than I? What out there that I cannot supply? Stay with me.

Stay with me, The world is dark and wild. Stay a child while you can be a child. With me.

#PlacentaPreevia #IVFpregnancy #TwinPregnancy

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