A Big Beautiful Mess

For everything pregnancy related, I think we can all agree that I'm anything but normal. If it were up to my body, I wouldn't get pregnant nor I wouldn't be able to stay pregnant. But my son is living proof that following our heart and our overwhelming desire to have children and forcing my body to follow suit is absolutely the right call. Of course, this pregnancy we skipped the whole "glowing" phase and went right from morning sickness and progesterone injections to blood clots, placenta previa and hospital visits. It's been an adventure, and at 24 weeks, I still have at least 3 months left to go. This week we saw both Doctors and I'm pleased to report both visits were completely uneventful. It was almost as if I was... dare I say it... normal. Not completely normal. I still have the placenta previa, but it's no longer covering my entire cervix. The placenta has moved up and to the left so it's now only a "minor" issue which I consider to be a major accomplishment. The blood clot is still there, but it's smaller, which is good. So not totally normal, but in the neighborhood. I'm right next to normal. In fact, I'm even allowed to try doing a little bit more activity. Earlier this week we met up with friends and went swimming. Despite only gaining 9 pounds thus far, there is more than 3 pounds of baby in there, plus extra fluid, two sacs, and two placentas. In fact, my belly is stretching at such a fast pace that my nerves can't keep up and I've lost feeling across the front of my stomach. About 5 or 6 inches on each side of my belly button is completely numb. It's bizarre. But floating in that pool was such a glorious feeling, even though my son kept insisting we let go of him so he could "swim alone." He can't swim. Of course, on paper, I can procreate. So, who am I to judge. I'm still exhausted. And if I stand up too fast, I grab my vagina instinctively because all the pressure hits me at once and I'm suddenly afraid the babies are gonna fall out. They won't, of course. My cervix, I'm happy to report, is still as gorgeous as ever. Nevertheless, people look at me with amusement and pity as I waddle my way down the aisles of Target, pausing to breathe deeply and grab my lady bits. I'm uncomfortable. I'm large. I've got a sore back, a numb belly, my boobs have starting leaking and the stretch marks are coming. This pregnancy is not perfect. It's not normal. And at times, it's not pretty. It's a big beautiful mess. Just like the rest of our family. Something tells me these kids are going to fit right in.

My rainbow babies.

A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss. In life, often a rainbow follows after a storm. It brings beauty and joy after a dark time. Lloyd was our first rainbow baby, brought to us after a heartbreaking loss. Now he initiates his brother and sister in to the rainbow club, who, at 24 weeks, could officially live outside the womb if they had to.

We've seen a lot of storms in our life, but the rainbows make it all worth it.