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Heads Up

I've been away from the blog for a bit, and I didn't realize it until I started receiving tons of thoughtful messages regarding Walter's upcoming surgery.

The thing is, blogging about it means it's real. That this thing I'm dreading is actually happening. Happening in less that a week. This Wednesday. Just under 120 hours from now. And that scares the shit out of me. So, I've ignored it. Well, as much as I can while still calling doctors everyday and making sure everything is in order for his March 7th surgery.

Walter was finally given his sleep study. It was an overnight stay at CHLA and I was packing our overnight bag for the trip when I got the news that his big brother Lloyd, who was at preschool, was having a hard day. Friday's are pizza day at preschool, so I didn't pack a lunch. But this last Friday was a special "Daddy day". All the dads came and did a craft with the kids. All except Lloyd's dad because ....I forgot to tell him. To add insult to injury, they also cancelled pizza day due to the Dad event. So, Lloyd was alone at school with no dad, and no lunch.

Parenting fail.

I rushed to get him. Truthfully, I think I was more upset that he was. I offered a tearful apology at pick up that he immediately dismissed as he began telling me about the Chocolate pudding and Graham crackers his teachers generously scrounged up for him to eat for lunch. A triumph in his eyes. A tortuous fail in mine.

I think this just happened to be the straw that broke my blood pressure's back. For months I've been calm and collected about everything. Letting coffee and humor mask the constant chaos and exhaustion. But Friday I broke.

After bringing Lloyd home I felt... off. Anxious. Panicked. I was dizzy. Having heart palpitations. Nauseous. And my blood pressure was 186/88.

Not. Good.

After some deep breathing I got my BP down and managed to finish packing, but it was decided Dan would go with Walter for the overnight sleep study in my place.

I tossed and turned all night worried about my little baby and how he was doing. Dan sent pictures and told me the whole story when they got home the next day.

It turns out Walter fell asleep before the technician even finished putting all his wires on. He slept great the entire night. In this strange crib, with these wires everywhere, tubes up his nose, he slept like a baby.

I've always found that phrase somewhat ridiculous. "Slept like a baby". In fact, technically I think I'm the one who slept like an actual baby that night. Waking up crying every few hours, wishing someone would bring me a bottle of something and slowly rock me back to sleep. Mabel also slept like a real baby with frequent wake ups. You know, cause she IS a baby and that's what most babies do.

But not Walter. He slept like I used to pre-kids and post a good bottle of wine. I aspire to be more like that kid.

When Walter finally did wake up the next morning he and the technician played a little game. Walter would tug on a wire, and then the technician would take that one off. Apparently, Walter quite enjoyed himself.

Hearing how well he adjusted has given me some much needed reassurance that this surgery is going to be fine. Walter is resilient and curious and full of cuddles. And after March 7th this will all be behind us.

The surgery looks like it will be in the morning on March 7th. It can take anywhere from 6-8 hours. He will need multiple blood transfusions due to the heavy amount of blood loss that is associated with this kind of major surgery. So, if anyone wants to donate blood in Walter's name, it's much appreciated. He is type O+. Walter and I will be staying at CHLA for about 5 days if all goes well. But because of the bad flu season this year, no kids are allowed to visit and adult visitors will be screened for any illness's and kept to a strict minimum.

Then home for continued healing, happy (gentle) hugs from brother and sister, and what I hope will be a string of very uneventful blog posts about new wallpaper and Lloyd's latest pantless antics.

Until then, I promise to give you all the heads up on how our little man is doing. And I will continue to use terrible puns and inappropriate jokes like "heads up" regarding neurosurgery.


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